


Where Sam Wilson Saves the Day by being the Only Mature Adult Around

by Pandora_de_Romanus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Music, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Stucky - Freeform, stucky fix-it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 17,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22148866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora_de_Romanus/pseuds/Pandora_de_Romanus
Summary: Endgame: Fix-it. Before seeing Steve off to return the Infinity Stones, Bucky is too quiet. And Sam just can't keep out of things like that. So he ends up discovering more than he thought through a good and old-fashioned talk that was more counseling than anything else. God save him from theses guys and their fear of talking about it!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Shuri, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 50
Kudos: 124





	1. Bottling it Up

“You are awfully quiet.” Sam noticed out loud as they walked down the hall for breakfast. The morning was beautiful. The sun was shining and the sky was an infinite blue. But the silence gave it all that sense of foreboding that was typical in horror movies where they are trying to convince you everything is fine before half the cast dies a gruesome death.

“It’s just... a feeling.” Barnes answered, and wasn’t it ominous. Sam felt a shiver run down his spine. The former spy, though, knew exactly what that feeling was, but he didn’t have proof. He just felt that he knew Steve far too well and normally that was such an amazing feeling. That day… Not so much.

“Good feeling, bad feeling?” Sam asked and he was just too perceptive for his own good. It was funny to think that, when they met, Bucky used to feel this irrational jealousy because who did the birdbrain think he was? He was Steve’s best friend not some… newcomer. 

“A bit of both?” He had answered the Falcon. Good for some, terrible for himself? But he didn’t voice the feeling. He could be wrong after all. He silently prayed that he was. 

“This is sounding too ominous for a pre mission morning.” The other said trying to keep conversation going, Bucky was easily losing himself in these terrible feelings and it almost felt as if the birdbrain wasn’t there. 

“Maybe.” He answered but who was he kidding, when did things ever go his way. The answer NEVER. Fate’s goal seemed to be to continuously and eternally fuck him up.

“Man, you are scaring me.” Sam said eyeing him seriously. 

“No need. If my gut is right… It will be… good.” Bucky said, his love for Steve reaching deep. It would be good for him, he once again argued with himself. His eyes went to the floor, not meeting Sam’s gaze.

It didn’t look ‘good’ in Sam’s opinion. It looked as if Bucky was going out to face the firing squad instead of just meeting Steve outside. “Is there something you and Steve are not telling me, man?” Sam asked, frank as ever.

“No. Nothing, Sam. Don’t worry about it.” He smiled, but it didn’t fool Sam. Not for a second. It was too fake, but he would try anything to get out of that talk. It wasn’t easy and he hated it. He just wanted to completely ignore the damned elephant in the room. 

As always, he was down on his luck. 

“Stop that.” Said Sam, firmly.

“What?” Barnes still tried to get out of the subject, if everything fails play dumb.

“Stop lying to me. I’m not stupid. So… Ok, maybe you don’t like me. So maybe we’ve barely known each other!” Sam was getting angry and he wouldn’t stand for that. “But I know you’ve been around a lot longer than I have. And I want to know the truth, Barnes! Because I love Steve as my own brother and I’m not taking risks.” Was Sam’s answer and he knew he wouldn’t be getting out of the talk.

“Sam… I like you. I respect you a lot. It’s just… very personal. Doesn’t have to do with the mission.” He still tried even so.

“I could help.” The man said tentatively, he was a therapist, he could smell trouble a mile away.

“I know. But you already deal with all of Stevie’s bullshit. And that is not easy, I know. Been there.” The former Winter Soldier laughed off, and Sam knew then just how much he wasn’t the Winter Soldier anymore, because that simple sentence brought such feeling to the other’s face at the mention of Steve, that they looked like completely different human beings. 

“Man… it’s no problem. And I can see how it’s eating you up.” 

“I…” Bucky was never good at opening up. In his time, real men didn’t open up. Didn’t talk about it. They… just kept going and prayed it would be ok… someday. But he was already a criminal. He was already the lowest of the low. Nothing he could tell Sam would make him see him as less than he already was. “I think Steve is not coming back.”

“Why?” Sam asked in a sudden panic. If something was wrong with the machine, someone had to tell Steve! “The machine was sound yesterday through Banner’s tests, and they had used it before. It was safe!” He sounded desperate and that pulled at Bucky’s heart. He couldn’t let him think there was something wrong with the mission. The Avengers were working so hard in holding on to one another after Thanos. The Civil War had also left many scars in all of them.

“Sam…” The WW II veteran took a deep breath, as he tried to explain in a way that his friend could understand where he was coming from without thinking the worst of Steve. “If you were sent to the future and had a time machine wouldn’t you go back home?”

It was such a perfect answer and so fundamentally simple, so obvious to anyone who had the bigger picture. It was just… so easy to forget Steve was from another time. Sam had brought him into his life and he was so well adjusted. It was as if his place was there with them. But Bucky’s assumption made so much sense. 

“Fuck. Hadn’t thought of that.”

“Yeah, figures.” Bucky let out a humorless laugh. “I, on the other hand… I thought a lot about that time machine. About trying to live a normal life, going back and trying to save some version of me before… I was me. But… That would make me a coward. I already worked so hard for getting where I am mentally… I wouldn’t want to go back because I’m not the same as I was when they froze me. But, Steve… Steve is perfect.” He said and again there was that huge amount of feeling in his voice that he couldn’t quite keep inside as he spoke of the Captain. “Steve’s place was there. I think he is going without any thought of coming back. And I think it will be good for him. He will see Peggy again…” And as he spoke those feelings that escaped as he spoke continued to show in his voice, but they turned dark and spoke of barely hidden pain. “But I can’t… I can’t feel good about it. I know I should. Because he is my pal and all. But… I’m so afraid. I’ll be so… lonely without him. He’s been my everything for so long. He isn’t even gone and I already miss him. Fuck! I feel like I’m in that train to Basic all over again. But this time I feel selfish, because that time I was fighting for America and all. Now, I just want to keep him to myself.” He finished and his voice was breaking and Sam was on verge of despairing because he had never seen Barnes like that.

Sam took a deep breath. He brought in all his experience with people and before he knew he was calm again and in full therapist mode. He looked at the man in front of him again, new eyes to his new friend and immediately recognized those feelings. He had seen them before. He just had to confirm.

“You are in love with him, aren’t you?” His eyes as he voiced the question were soft. And he saw as Bucky’s eyes just grew round in surprise for a second before he screwed them shut fighting against what looked like tears. “I’m that obvious, aren’t I?” He ran his fingers over them discreetly trying to hide the tears the best he could. 

“Actually…” Sam tried to be calm in his delivery of this truth. “We all knew that this devotion you two have for one another was too strong for mere friendship. But we only thought we didn’t understand friendship as it was in the 40’s.”

“Well… I can’t speak for Steve. But fuck, I’ve been in love with him since…” He tried again to stop the flood of tears looking up and breathing but it seemed to no avail. He let out another of those pain-filled humorless laughs. “I don’t even know when. When I was a teenager and discovered sex, maybe? Are you going to have me arrested now?”

That caught Sam off guard. He had helped Steve defend this man time and time again, hid him when they were fugitives, why would he ask such a thing. It struck him like a physical blow. Had they forgotten that part of their education about the future? The whole Sexuality Chapter? He had talked to Steve about this, but Barnes had only Hydra as teacher. He felt like he had failed them… hard. 

“Why?” He asked though he knew the answer.

“Because I’m a fucking fairy?” Bucky shouted back at Sam and he had never felt the difference in their times so much as he did in that answer. The hatred in those words, the shame… He was disgusted at that and his pity for Bucky Barnes just gained another level he didn’t know existed. That man in front of him had been left behind by his country, by his brothers in arms, made prisoner, brainwashed, made to kill innocent people, lost himself, lost his time, his family, been prosecuted by crimes he didn’t commit but used him as instrument, carried all that guilt around... And still… He had been taught from birth to think he was abnormal and hate himself. Hadn’t the universe shitted enough on Bucky Barnes? 

“We don’t do that anymore. Use this kind of language, I mean.” Sam said in his kindest tone. As if trying to sooth a fearful child. “It’s ok to like someone of the same sex, Bucky.”

The Sargent stopped for a moment as if trying to puzzle the words. As if they were on a foreign language he didn’t know and the man spoke seven languages. He thought some more and calmed a bit and asked in a very small voice.

“I have accepted that I was like that… You know, before. I knew I couldn’t change. And I’ve met others. Been with others. Even if they weren’t…” Steve. He meant and Sam understood. “And I’ve seen what they did to them, then. You were dead if they found you out. So… Is it safe now?”

Sam continued in the same placating tone. “You can marry someone of the same sex if you want. It’s safe. Mostly. I won’t lie, there are still prejudiced people out there. The same way there are still people that treat black people like shit. The difference is that gay rights came a long way since then. That’s the respectful term now. Gay. You can love whoever you want. The law protects you.”

“God!” The other man smiled still disbelieving. “Gay rights…” He looked SO relieved and so young. It was such a game changer. Such a life changer. Such a change in somebody’s whole world view. And he was so happy he could do it for him. Open this new page in the life of this man who suffered so much.

“Really. It’s ok.” He explained. “There is even a month where people celebrate this victory on civil rights. June. They call it Pride Month and there is a parade. To celebrate the fact that you can be out in the street proud to love whoever you want.”

“Oh.” Was all that Bucky was able to say to that and he looked even more emotional.

“Yeah. Oh.” Sam looked at him, inside his eyes as if staring inside his soul. “You should tell him.” Sam told him with a soft smile.

“And have him disgusted at me for feeling this way about him?” Barnes angrily exploded again, all the good feelings that had permeated their talk until now vanishing in the thought of even mentioning it all to Steve, there was SO much fear in him yet. “You guys maybe ok with this brave new world of yours, of rights and safety and with your parades where being a fairy is ok. But Steve is from my time! When I had to sneak into secret bars and fuck unknown guys on alleys and never talk to them again because it could kill us. Because we could be arrested or beaten up to death. No… I don’t want to lose him. I can’t!” He explained and his desperate tone was back. 

“That’s why you never told him?” Sam asked and his softness was dialed up to maximum level. He couldn’t believe Barnes was losing that much time in his life because he was afraid. He had braved so much worse. 

“Do you need a better reason?” Bucky answered and he sounded mocking, as if it was so obvious that even a child could see the answer to his dilemma.

Sam tried to explain in that same kindness he had been dealing with the volatile ex-assassin. “He is your best friend. He defied 117 countries to help you. Don’t you trust him to know better?”

“And he almost lost everything exactly by doing that. Feelings are not something I’m used to talk about. Shuri is the only one that makes me do it. And you. I shouldn’t have said anything.” The words were bitter and hurt and sounded as if the former Hydra weapon just wanted to never speak about it again.

“But if you don’t… You probably will never have another chance.” Sam insisted with him. He couldn’t let them do that. He couldn’t let James Buchanan Barnes lose hope in that love. He had a feeling that everything could be alright if he just took the plunge.

“So what? It’s best if he never sees me again. Or know that his sick best friend is a fucking faggot and is sweet on him since they were kids. It would ruin everything. I only brought misery to him. This way he can go, marry Peggy fucking Carter, have a dog, four kids and a house with a white picket fence!” Barnes answered in a higher bitter tone.

“Bucky… You can’t speak like that anymore.” He tried to calm him always maintaining his calm. He needed to help him understand, but he knew it was a lot to take in. “Gay people aren’t sick. You aren’t sick. You can’t speak to someone else like that. So… Don’t speak like that about yourself. I know you are working with Shuri and a therapist on forgiving past mistakes. Forgive yourself for being different. Everyone is different and it is ok. It is good.”

“Those things… I know now that I didn’t do them.” Bucky said and he was sounding so much more stable. The Falcon knew then just how much the therapy was working for James. “That Hydra was on the wheel, but this…”

“This is you, man.” He was trying to make him see the truth. “And as I said, gay people fought hard and long so that you don’t have to be ashamed nor hate yourself. Not anymore. You can get married, if you want. You could marry him. Adopt a bunch of kids, a dog and have the white picket fence. It is ok to love whoever you want. It is ok to love Steve.”

“But he loves Peggy.” Barnes argued feebly, still afraid.

“Maybe, but you’ll never know for sure if you don’t speak to him about this.” He insisted. He had to do something. They were both so stubborn. “Even if he doesn’t love you back. You have to tell him. You have to accept that part of yourself. It will make you feel better.”

“I don’t know, Sam.” Bucky still looked so uncertain.

“I understand you are afraid. But it can be your last chance. Please, just talk to him. Trust him with this.” Sam said and the other man seemed calmer. Evaluating all that was said between them.

“Sam…” He called and the Falcon looked at those trouble-filled eyes. “You know you are really good at this shit, right?”

“Yeah, man. I know.” The ex para-rescue answered with a small smile on his lips.


	2. With a Little Help From My Friends

“Steve? Are you there?” He asked entering the Lab. 

“Ingucka? What are you doing here? Thought you would be with the Captain. Are you going with him? That boy needs someone to look out for him. And I know you are the right man for that job.” Shuri answered with a bright smile and winked at him, she had been there for some time to overlook the reconstruction, to help Bruce around with the new Compound. Tony had left a lot of tech, but it wouldn’t matter any if there wasn’t someone to decode it and make it work. The Princess, Bruce and Parker had been working like crazy to make it so that the Avengers had the necessary structure. 

Her sly look and her wink spoke to Bucky and his current situation. That girl knew him inside and out and she was much more perceptive than anyone gave her any credit for.

“How long have you known?” He asked and he was very serious. 

Shuri knew what he was talking about immediately. “From the start?” She asked and seemed self-conscious for not speaking of it until then.

“What? You looked at me and knew I was in love with my best pal?” He asked surprised.

“Uh... Yes? It is written in the way you look at him. Have you seen just how you look at Steve? Like he hung the moon in the sky?” She turned the tables on him, as if he was an idiot. 

“You think he might know?” Bucky asked starting to feel his nerves. Did Steve know and preferred not to talk about how pathetic and sick he was?

“You two are too oblivious for your own good, don’t worry. You guys make me even crazier than my brother and Nakia. Go talk to him.” That calmed the former Hydra assassin significantly.

“You think I should?” He asked, unsure. Shuri was very wise for someone so young.

“It already took too long. Go!” was her answer and she was kicking him out of the lab. 

“But…” He hesitated.

“Don’t argue with me. I know best. Go! Before he leaves!” She was very firm about that as she shooed him again.

“Um… ok.” Was all that was left for him to say.

“Stupid white boys…” could be heard from the hallway.


	3. Talking It Out... Or trying to

“Steve?” Bucky said, as he finally found his friend.

“Bucky… Good thing you are here!” Steve said and he sounded so excited it hurt. Such happiness in going where he couldn’t follow hurt like any bullet he had the displeasure of feeling cutting through his flesh. “Help me check the equipment?” He asked.

Bucky checked each feature of the suit three times in contemplative silence. He tightened Steve’s buckles a few more times, checked the Pym Particles with all the care he would have if he didn’t know that Steve wouldn’t need them to come back. 

“Steve…” Bucky started, the words, though, suddenly stuck to his throat. He took a deep breath ready try again. Steve on the other hand, was on his own world and continued fussing over equipment listening to him with only half a mind and that just pissed him off. The man just didn’t understand what was on the line then. 

“Steve! Listen to me, you punk!” He asked in an angry tone. That finally grabbed the other’s attention.

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Steve asked, worried.

“What’s wrong? You want to know what’s wrong? I’ll tell ya.” He said, and he was very pissed at his friend’s attitude. “You.” Steve opened his mouth to protest, but didn’t have any time to, Bucky just said over him: “Uh-uh. Stop right there! It’s my turn to talk. You’re going to shut your mouth. And let me talk.” 

Steve was shocked silent but he knew better than to mess with Bucky when he was in this kind of mood. The dark-haired man sighed loudly, calming himself before speaking.

“You know… I’m not stupid.” 

“I never said…” Steve was so nervous he had to try and explain. He already knew where that was going just by Bucky’s tired posture.

“Na-ah” The other cut him again, it was his turn and if he let Steve speak, he would never get it out of his chest. He owned it to himself… and to all who had fought for his right to love. “I know what you are planning.”

“I’m so sor-“ 

“Hush! I’m not done! Damn it, Steve! Not another peep from you! Not until I’m done, ok?” Steve nodded in defeat.

“So… As I was saying.” His grey eyed friend capitulated. “I know that you don’t plan on coming back.” And he looked sad and tired talking about it. “And I know, that you have Peggy Carter waiting for you on the other end of that time-machine ride.”

There was a pause. But Steve kept silent.

“What I need you to know is… I’m not happy about it. I should be. You know, be happy for you as a good friend and all that bullshit. But I… I can’t. And my friends and my therapists told me, it’s ok to be selfish sometimes. And me being selfish is… Well… Maybe… You and Carter are meant to be. Maybe… There is this place in time where you guys marry have a house and a bunch of kids. Little perfect super-soldiers for a next-generation of Avengers. But… I know this makes me sound like a jerk. I can’t be happy with that. Because I would miss you. I would be totally and utterly lonely and heartbroken if you went through with this crazy plan of yours. And not because I‘m jerk. If you have to do it, if you love her with all your heart… Then I wish you all good. But I have to tell you. It may be my last chance to do it. You may even hate me, be disgusted by me. But I heard from friends that it is ok to be me and… say this to you. So… Here it goes… Steven Grant Rogers, I… I’m… I’m sweet on you. I don’t think you are a dame or anything like that, not that there is anything wrong with being a dame, but… I’m in love with you. Like a man. Who loves another man. Like, in love with you. And I know you can try and say I’m crazy or sick, but that is not how it works anymore. It’s ok for me to love you and… I do. So much. Since we were kids in Brooklyn. So… if you want to go and have your happy ending with Carter you can. It’s your place to do so. But know that you’ll leave me here. Lonely and heartbroken. And I can’t accept that lying down.”

Bucky had said all that looking uncertain about the words, about those truths, but absolutely committed to it. 

“Holly Molly.” Was all that Steve was able to mutter in face of these revelations.

“Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. I think that’s it. I said my piece. Don’t… Say anything yet. Think on it. I’ll be at the woods to see you off. Just… You’ll have all the time in the World to decide. And I… I’ll know my answer in 5 seconds. So… Yeah.” Bucky said and stormed off. Red on his face from embarrassment. 

He just let Steve there, alone with his shock and all those uncomfortable truths no one had ever had the balls to face.


	4. Some things Just...

Steve arrived at the clearing and said his goodbyes to Sam. He hugged Bucky as if nothing had happened and just that already made Bucky’s heart a little easier. At least Steve wasn’t disgusted at him. They were still friends at least. 

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Steve said, and it was another commitment to their friendship. Bucky knew he should be beyond himself with that. But he just can’t.

“How can I? When you are taking all the stupid with you.” He answered just to make it clear that no matter what, their friendship was still true, it was valued.

Steve took Thor’s hammer with him and Bucky was relieved with that. It felt safer somehow. 

He climbed the steps. Held the suitcase with the Infinity Stones, and bam. He was gone. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Five.” Announced Bruce’s deep voice.

“Four.” It said.

“Three.” Bucky’s stomach fell.

“Two.” His hands sweat.

“One.” 

Absolutely nothing happened. 

Bucky felt his throat close. His eyes sting. The tears collected in his lashes and he felt like he was dying. Like acid was corroding his internal organs. Like his heart was about to burst of lava and his insides were melting. He felt cheap. He felt empty. He felt like a broken toy that Steve had outgrown. Left behind like an old memory not worth keeping. He felt less than human. He took a hand to his mouth to stop his sobs and he felt Sam’s hand on his right shoulder.

He looked Sam in the eyes and saw the soft sorrowful look. Pity.

The shame burned even more.

He ran back to the compound. He just couldn’t stand it. He didn’t want anyone to see it. To see him… The great Bucky Barnes, the deadly Winter Soldier reduced to this shell of a human. And he understood a little about feeling like a thing. 

Bruce reviewed the controls and was starting to panic, but Sam just shook his head. It was Steve’s choice. He chose who he wanted and all that was left for him, Sam, was pick up the pieces left of the broken heart of one James Barnes.


	5. Rotten Luck

Steve was alone in his travellings.

Time traveling was weird because you felt like you didn’t belong. But it was even weirder to him, because he had felt like he didn’t belong for a few years already. Since he put that damn plane in the water and woke up 70 years in the future.

It had been so hard… To wake up in that time. With all the burdens of War, and no one to share them with. No one who had been there, who had seen what he saw. Completely alone. But he had felt like that… the moment James Buchanan Barnes had fallen. At the time, the Howlies had helped. 

After… It was Sam and Nat, in her own way. 

He had always been a solitary person. 

When he was a child, he had been too limited by his lack of health. No one had wanted to spend a sunny day indoors because Steve couldn’t go out because of his asthma. No one, but Bucky. 

Bucky who was his only friend. His partner in crime. His best pal. 

Bucky who was so different from him, but who loved him as if he was his own blood, who treated him and his Ma, as if they were Barneses. As if they were family. There was nothing that had ever stood between them. 

Nothing but… 

Well… Steve had an eye for beauty. And Bucky had always been a sight to behold. He was breathtaking. He would come from the docks, tanned and sweaty to their apartment after a day of work and Steve would itch to draw the lines of his body, the curve of his smile. He would come back from his dates disheveled, lips swollen red from kisses and Steve would ache to reach for them with his own. Bucky was life and responsibility and care and warmth in the cold New York winter with poor heat in their old apartment. 

Steve was too week to care much for sex when he was a teenager because he was too weak even for that. But when he was well enough to feel anything… He couldn’t not see how beautiful Bucky was. But Bucky was his everything. His only family left. He couldn’t say anything at the time. He wouldn’t. He would be on the street with no one to call a friend. He would die, physical and of a broken heart if Bucky found out and kicked him out of their apartment or worse, called the cops on him.

Then the War came. And Steve wasn’t stupid. Bucky was able and strong, and he soon would be drafted. 

The letter came. And Bucky seemed SO afraid. Steve had never seen him afraid before. 

So Steve enlisted. Again. And Again, and again, and again. 

Until they took him in. Because there was no reason to survive the war if there would be no Bucky in their empty apartment.

Then he joined the army and met Peggy, and she was the first woman to look at him twice. He felt for the first time that he could love anyone but Bucky. She looked like his salvation. The perfect gal to fulfill that old dream of finding a girl to share his life with, in a house beside Bucky’s as he had his own gal. 

He truly felt attracted to her not only the idea of her. She was beautiful, smart and she saw him beyond his physical appearance. He did his best to fall for Peggy. But it was hard with Bucky there. But then he fell, and Steve felt alone. Even with Peggy, even with the Howlies. It wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough, so when he had been in that Plane en route to New York, it felt alright to just… Put it down. To just… Let himself fall too. He just… wanted his friend back. 

And if backfired. Horribly. Because when he woke up in 2011 he was more alone and lonely than he had ever been before. 

A Man Out of Time.

That was him. He slept 70 years, fought a War, lived the 30’s, lived 2020, visited the 70’s, fought Norse Gods, befriended a talking racoon, fought a Titan twice. Lost friends. Made some new. Was reunited with his best friend that he thought dead. 

And then… When he was sure he should go back to Peggy because he felt that his best friend had found a home in Wakanda and that every time he saw Bucky he brought a fight with him to just ruin the man’s life… 

Bucky came to him and confessed. Saying that he was afraid that STEVE would be disgusted by him. That he loved him. That he was in love with him.

He was SO shocked he couldn’t even say anything.

And he felt like the biggest idiot in the Galaxy, and he had met the Guardians of the Galaxy (no offence, great fighters all of them but not the sharpest tools in the shed). 

He decided then to go on his mission. And come back and take Bucky in his arms and kiss him in front of his friends as a grand gesture. Something romantic. He wanted to promise him love and do it in the open in honor of all the Civil Rights that were fought for in Stone Wall. He read about it and he was so glad about that. He even could re-think himself as bisexual. He even bought a small bisexual flag once. 

The problem was… The last fight before going back damaged his suit badly, and he lost his window… 

He wasn’t one for cursing but fuck his life.


	6. Someone who has a friend has a treasure

Sam had been so sure that Steve loved Bucky just as Bucky loved him. It seemed clear as day. And that’s why he had insisted with him to talk to Steve. 

But Steve did exactly what Barnes predicted. Left them all behind for his apple pie life with Margaret Carter. Sam felt disappointed. Steve had been his hero, his friend. He couldn’t see him as someone that was that afraid of facing his feelings. Because there was no denying that Steve loved Bucky back. Nothing he said or did would convince him he didn’t. Sam just felt like this was Steve running away from himself as he had seen so many vets do through the years. Coming out for army men was so hard. And many lived in denial for many years. He thought Steve had had years enough of that. 

He felt so bad for giving Bucky hope. 

He could only hope Shuri’s talents for mending broken white boys went beyond medical prowess.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So, let me see if I got this straight.” Said the dark-haired man in the expensive designer’s suit as he turned to him, his frame highlighted by the ceiling to floor window that showcased the beautiful blue skies of the Avengers Compound in Upstate New York.

“You are from the future.” Tony continued and pointed at Steve, walking around him with that restless energy that he was so familiar with when the other man was trying to work through a puzzle. “Where I discovered time travel, which is ridiculous by the way. And you need me to mend this,” he gestured at the damaged suit that lay on the workbench of Tony’s current workshop. “So that you can go back?”

“Yes.” Steve answered, staring him in the eye. Earnest. Tony was already tinkering with the suit. He just couldn’t hold himself back. Steve could have looked for Shuri. He could have looked for Hank Pym and Hope Van Dyne, but… in his heart… After all was said and done… He was sad for losing Tony. And even more sad that they didn’t get time. He was one of his best friends. And he lost him just as he got him back. He trusted Tony with his life. And that was enough reason to look for him at the Compound. The rest of the Avengers were out, and Steve was able to finally get him alone, using his own biometrics to get in. They hadn’t fought yet. “Will you help?” 

“Will you tell me about the future? Does everyone time travels?” The engineer answered, treating all this as if it was a big joke and he was entertaining Steve just so he could figure out his evil masterplan.

“No.” 

“Did we find Bruce?” Came the next question, Tony’s mind a mile a minute as always. But this question was loaded. Losing Bruce hurt Tony, it hurt Natasha. It hurt them as a group. Bruce was balance.

“Yes.” Steve answered against his better judgement. The smile in Tony’s lips were a bit a lighter, happier at that.

“What happened to me?” The mechanic continued, the good news from the answer before boosting his curiosity.

“You retired. Had a daughter, married Pepper.” Steve said, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Tony about Thanos. Tony’s brain looked frozen for a moment at the thought of a daughter and Steve was glad, it looked like a computer trying to process some impossible information.

“I have… a daughter?” He asked back, still processing.

“Morgan” Steve mentioned with a smile. Morgan was a sweet kid; Tony should be proud of her. Tony didn’t look that convinced.

“Did I die?” He asked.

“ … ” Steve’s silence was answer enough. He didn’t know what to say about that.

“Huh…” There was a pause in conversation. “What about you?” Tony asked, out of pure curiosity. Just to change the subject, as if the idea of him retiring was unthinkable. Like he expected Steve’s future to be some weird alternate universe, so he had to know what happened to the soldier to see how real it could be. Steve thought it was sweet of him to ask, anyway.

“Me?” He asked because he hadn’t expected such question. He grinned at the older man. “You want the shocking version or the tame one?” Steve had to toy a bit with him.

“Both?” Tony answered with a raised eyebrow, curiosity peaked, like he hadn’t expected anything about the Captain to ever shock him.

“You convinced me to retire after this too. And I’m going to marry a guy if everything goes well.” Is the answer from the man out of time, he grinned like the little shit he was as Tony had absolutely no idea how to deal with that information. He let out a breath and just kept trying to process everything. It was funny though. He had never imagined that from Rogers. 

“Wow! So much for Christian Ways and the All-American Conservative.” 

“You know I’ve never been conservative.” Steve answered. Tony still couldn’t believe that he had been a part of the socialist party. It was a shame that it never really worked out.

“But you are Christian.” Tony affirmed and it almost sounded accusing as if it was a character flaw.

“I am.” Steve conceded. “But I never believed He would stop loving me because I love another man.”

“That’s nice to have in mind. I’m proud of you.” Was what came out of Tony’s mouth and Steve almost couldn’t recognize his friend. It was so sympathetic. “Do I know him?” Was the next question and that sounded very much like his friend.

“Not yet.”

“Do I like him?” And it was almost as if Tony was asking if he approved of Steve’s groom to be.

“Not much, no.”

“Figures.” Tony said. He kind of had expected. Steve’s decisions were always a mystery to him. 

“Ok. You convinced me.”


	7. About Picking Up Pieces and Being Truthful

Sam had his hands full. 

Between him and Shuri they were fighting hard to keep Barnes afloat. 

First thing that happened was… well… Barnes’ tears. They started silent but grew to harsh sobs that sounded so broken. He pitied the man. And that pity drove him away. He ran back to the Compound and locked the door on the outside world. 

He left him to it. He knew it was dangerous, but the man deserved at least bit of peace in the beginning to cry his sorrow. Bruce felt bad for what happened even if it wasn’t his fault. He had lost Natasha and that made taking care of Bucky something like taking care of himself, like projecting. As the days progressed and Sam and Shuri failed to draw him out of his room, Bruce prepared food and left it by his door. At first it went uneaten. But then it would be at least slightly messed with. Sometimes Bruce would talk to Bucky through the door and soon it would be him, Sam and Shuri sitting on the floor in front of the closed door trying to reach the man inside.

It was to no avail. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tony is almost done. One of the things that convinced him to help this Future!Steve is that the tech is sound and it feels like his. Designed a little more on the safe side, maybe it is a sign of his maturing as a person and as an inventor, but it felt like something he would have built if he had the information of the red particles he now knew. He thought about holding some to himself. As insurance. But it had worked out once. They would do it again. Steve was beside him as he worked. An older Steve. One that looked quieter, more tired, a little bitter and that had this forlorn look sometimes on his face when he caught him watching. 

“So… How did I die?” He couldn’t help but wonder.

“Heroically.” Was the answer and strangely… it was enough.

“Good. It would be lame to have just slipped in the shower. Unless it was shower sex.”

Steve laughed. “Ah… Tony, I missed you.” He confessed and it was there… in that expression in that laugh just how much Future!Steve missed Tony. It warmed his heart. Made him feel appreciated.

Rogers let out a heavy sigh, mourning his team, the brotherhood they shared before the Civil War. 

“How did you meet this guy, anyway?” Stark had to ask, he wanted to lighten the mood a bit. This Steve’s face was a bit scary in the shadows it carried.

“He was my best friend growing up.” Steve said with a fond smile as he remembered Bucky.

“Boy! You are smitten! I can see that look in the mirror when I think about Pep.” Tony smiled to himself. “And we’ll have a daughter. I feel unprepared. So… You found him. I saw Natasha looking for this guy. Not that easy to find.” 

“It seems nothing is ever easy with us.”

“Why don’t I like him?” He asked and it was an earnest question too. Tony couldn’t see himself hating someone so important to Steve. But this older Steve looked so tired of everything he didn’t even feel like Steve at all. Like it was a pocket reality that couldn’t actively change his life.

“Because he was brainwashed and controlled by Hydra. Killed a lot of innocents. He… caused your parents’ accident. He killed them, Tony.” Steve said in a small ashamed voice. He knew this would hurt Tony, but he couldn’t lie to him anymore. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. He just… couldn’t lie to Tony. He was incapable of that. All the conversations they had so far attested to that. He knew he could end up stranded in this past but… He had come to understand that… The truth was the best way.

Tony’s face changed into a scowl and he trembled… He shook with barely contained anger. He threw the ranch he was holding on the other side of the room. He broke things, he wanted to kill the bastard that killed his parents, he wanted to destroy Hydra. 

“Shit! Fuck you, Rogers! Why are you telling me this? Why did you even come to me for help??? How dare you come to me for help??? He killed my mother! He killed my mother!! How dare you???” He said breathing heavily and trying to keep breathing. It looked like the start of a panic attack. Steve held his hand and counted.

“Beath in… 1… 2… 3… 4… Out… 1… 2… 3… 4…” Sam had taught him that to deal with his own attacks back in the day. As soon as Tony seemed more calm he harshly broke out of Steve’s hold.

“He didn’t know what he was doing until after he did it, Tony. He still cries at night remembering it. He was your father’s friend too.” Steve explained.

“You what? You want me to feel sorry for him? And you know this? You know this now? And you didn’t tell me??? I hated my Father, you know, my whole life, because he killed himself AND MY MOM. I had hated him more than anyone… more even than Obadiah. And you tell me…” The dark-haired man contained a sob, he had to stop or he would have another panic attack.

“Tony… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… He didn’t know. He didn’t know me when we met again. If you knew what they did to him… The kind of torture Hydra put him through. He’s been their prisoner since 43, Tony. Can you imagine that? They took everything from him.” 

“And he took everything from me!!!” The inventor raged on. “Why? Why are you telling me this when you didn’t before?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you. I’m telling you this because… You are one of the best friends I ever had. And because I’m your friend, I know you would want the truth.” Steve said and his sadness was a tangible thing that touched some unknown deep human part of Tony that made him stop and think it through.

“I do. Fuck, I fucking do.” He was even madder at that, he destroyed something else in the room just for the hell of it.

“Yeah… I know.” Steve answered and though he looked only a few years older than the Steve Tony was used to, his eyes were so full of that grief and knowledge.

“You didn’t tell me the first time around.” Sounded like a logical conclusion to Tony and he had voiced without having noticed he had said it out loud.

“No, I didn’t, and it hurt you. I thought I was protecting you, sparing you all this grief when I was protecting myself from this conversation. I’m a jerk.”

“That’s pretty much new to me. You being an asshole and admitting it? Are we in some twisted parallel universe? You are saying I’m right and that you are a asshole? That’s fucked up.” Came out and it was more a surrender than anything else. Steve answered the only way he could. With what he felt in his heart.

“I hope this is the right Universe. Because I needed to… I don’t know… Make amends. Something. Just couldn’t lose you… Not again. You are my friend.”

“God! I don’t even know what to do with this shit. I want to punch you so bad!” Tony said, he was so full of Steve’s bullshit.

“You can. If you want. I deserve it.”

Tony punched him. He summoned his armor’s gauntlet and punched him hard.

Steve took it. Tony punched again and again and again until the rage left him. He released Steve to the ground.

“Leave! Out!” 

Steve got up and left the room, he knew Tony needed time and he needed time to heal.


	8. Nothing that wasn't done...

Tony spent that night and the next five to six days in his workshop on lock down. 

First, he fixed the time travel suit. Just to spite Steve. So he could dangle his only way home in front of him. In revenge. He wanted to hurt him. Maybe if he kept Steve in the past he would hurt Steve’s boyfriend just as much as he felt hurt. 

After, he drank. And drank some more. 

Then, he dove, headfirst, into the files Romanoff and Wilson were using to find this man. The Winter Soldier… who ended up being James Barnes. Captain America’s best friend. Tony obsessed. He wanted to know everything. Tony was all about knowing. He had to know. He needed it. That’s how he could be prepared. Still drunk, still crazy out of his mind with grief he went through the files and the information dump of SHIELD and he found everything he could on the Winter Soldier. Secret files lost in broken networks across the globe. He dipped his fingers in all the pies. He found the file on his parents’ death on both sides. The info that was released and the HYDRA file that was lost in a weird back-up of a system called ZOLA, the program was crashed to shit, but he could save the files. 

He watched the video… The car on the country road. The motorcycle making it crash. Barnes finishing the job. Shooting the camera. Cold. Just an Assassin doing his duty. Finishing his mission. He threw up. But it wasn’t enough. He kept digging. He found a log telling of how troublesome it had been to control the Asset after the mission. He got curious about that. He wanted to see if this man had any remorse. He found another video among many. A video of the debrief. Where Barnes asked in a broken small voice. 

“I knew him. Who was he? He… had a flying car. I knew him.” Tony smiled with tears in his eyes at the mention of the car. He remembered the old bw video of the Expo in 43. How the car fell in the middle of the presentation, his father was so embarrassed and so young. The Winter Soldier sounded like a child and there were unshed tears in his eyes. He had been human, after all. 

And they would hit him for that. Hard. Broke his nose. And he had cried and screamed and raged and fought and there were more men in tact-gear hurting him and in the end they strapped him to a chair and electrocuted him until he looked like a vegetable. His screams would forever be in Tony’s memory. Tony felt guilty for all his anger. He felt ashamed for wanting revenge on that man. He opened the next video. And the next. And the next. And they were all of James Barnes being hurt and tortured. The files were full of videos of the experiments they did to him. And Tony couldn’t think of anything they hadn’t done to undo that man. His brain turned to mush every time. And Tony felt even more ashamed. That man was a victim. Steve had been right. He also felt angry. Tony felt anger towards HYDRA for doing it, towards SHIELD for letting it happen. How could they not have noticed it before? How could Fury had compartmentalized it to such an extent that he had lost control of things??? That was ridiculous. That was irresponsible. That was… exactly what had happened to Tony in his own Company years before. Fury had trusted the wrong people like he had trusted Obadiah Stane.

Tony just wanted something or someone to punch for all this. He drank some more and raged.

There was nothing he could do, though. It was too late. Too long ago. 

He took a deep breath and he shook his head. So he wasn’t the only one to be wrong. The only one with sins to atone for. They were all human in the end. And all he could do… Was try and do better. To be better. He thought of Peter and smiled. He had to teach the kid about that. About being better.

He cleaned his tears, went to his room, had a long shower. Dressed. Slept.

There was one thing he could do. 

He had thought to himself. He could send Future!Steve back. He could help at least someone out in that mess. He could also help his Steve to find his Winter Soldier. He could love Pepper. He could teach Peter. 

He could dream of Morgan.


	9. Mending Fences

Tony called Steve back to the Living Room in the Compound. A good thing he hadn’t gone too far. They were quiet and Steve seemed apprehensive. He looked at Tony, his face already healed.

“I’m sorry.” He said. 

“No… It… It was good.” He looked at Steve in earnest and his eyes spoke of everything he had learned in his self-imposed exile. “I needed that… But I’m not apologizing for punching you.”

“It’s ok. I deserved that.” The Captain responded and smiled, touching his perfectly healed jaw.

Steve was silent, but their silence was comfortable. Was one of growth. 

“Actually… I learned a lot about him. Barnes. He is… not that bad after all.” Tony said, looking into his eyes. “Be good to him.”

He said and held the suit out to Steve. The Captain had a comforting sense of déjà vu, only last time Tony had held out the shield. Steve accepted the suit and decided that it could be his last chance to say goodbye. He pulled Tony into a hug. 

“Thank you.” He said and Tony who was frozen for a second there, his whole body tense, decided to humor Future!Steve for a bit. He hugged back really quick and pulled back. Steve let him go. He was happy with what he got.

“There you go, old man. All sentimental. You know, it’s not me. Off you go. Back to rescue Snow White.”

Steve laughed at Tony’s joke when really he wanted to cry for how thankful he was to that man. And Bucky did look a bit like Snow White. 

“It’s awfully lesbian of you guys. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. Or are any of you Elsa?”

Steve laughed even harder because it was just SO Tony to lose him in the references. 

“Thank you, Tony. Good luck with everything. Don’t lose hope.” Steve said as a way of parting. Tony looked at him and mocked.

“I can do this all day.”

And they both laughed at that as they never thought they would one day.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve found himself in the woods. 

The same place he had left. It was dark. 

The moon shone bright in the dark -blue velvety canopy. There were a lot of stars. So many more than the ones that shone in the city-sky. It was beautiful. Steve was happy to be in the right place. 

Steve prayed he was in the right time.

He looked around and there wasn’t any equipment. Bruce wasn’t there, nor Sam. And he couldn’t see Bucky. 

He remembered their conversation. About making a choice. About thinking about it. About coming back if he wanted them to be together. His heart sped up. It hurt inside his chest, his stomach burned, and he felt all of his insides tight in apprehension. 

Was it too late? Had he lost Bucky forever? Had he hurt him in a way they can’t go back from? Is this the point of no return?

No good ever came from fretting.

Or so said Sarah Rogers many times when she saw little Steve fretting.

It was time to face the music. 

He loved Bucky. He had lost him too many times, already. He had let him go, had failed to save him, disappointed him, left him alone, broke his heart. But he wouldn’t… He couldn’t give in to fear. He couldn’t give up on it. He had waited for SO many years for that. 

Steve steeled himself, his grip on Mjolnir tightened.

He had succeeded in mending things with Tony.   
Even if it took his whole life… He vowed to win back Bucky’s favor. He would wait for eternity if needed be.

He took a breath and started to walk back to the compound. If Thor had been there, he would have told him: Any great quest starts with the first step.


	10. Pity Party

Bucky’s door was still locked.

He wasn’t sure how to go out there. How to deal with it all. 

Being rejected by the love of his life. God, it hurt… So much. 

He also felt so silly. He felt like such a fool. For believing for one second that… that he could have that. He couldn’t. He felt like even in love he had drawn the short stick in life. Like the joke was on him. Like he couldn’t have anything good. Like his destiny was to be the butt of fate’s worst joke. Like he should pay for every life HYDRA took using his hands. 

Sam, Shuri and Bruce, kept their visits outside his door on the next day after Steve left. Helping with long one-sided talks trying to tell him that it was ok and that they were there for him. Bucky loved them for it. He had felt so glad to have them. It was such a relief to know… That he was important to someone in that time and place. That he had any value at all besides being a weapon or Steve’s friend. 

That thought was what propelled him out of his hiding. 

When he opened the door, they were, all three of them, siting in low neon colored bean bags in front of his door. There was food being passed around, a few bags of chips, a huge plate of sandwiches and they were all eating. 

“May I?” He had asked, siting in the floor next to them. “I didn’t know the hallway was holding a party.” He joked. He didn’t want to talk about Steve. He didn’t want to think about him either. Steve made his choice. He would find a way to pick himself up. He was a survivor. He would survive this too. It was just… SO fucking hard.

“It’s a pity party, man. In your honor.” Sam joked and some may say he was harsh, but that was exactly what he needed.

“Doesn’t look like it. Where is the alcohol? What is a party without booze?” He asked and Sam laughed.

“T’Challa would have our heads if we had. There is a princess in our pity party.”

“That’s why I brought our alcohol.” Shuri answered and that made all of them look at her, astounded. He immediately took the bottle of expensive Imported Vodka from her as he would do if she was one of his little sisters. Maybe in this new life of his, where there wasn’t a Steve to protect and love, he could dedicate more of himself to Shuri. No matter that she already had a Big Brother. That girl sure could get into trouble, she was an all hands on deck kind of troublemaker. He felt a pang as he saw little Stevie in Shuri’s small frame and took his first swig. 

“You are not 21 yet.” He pointed at her with authority.

“The drinking age in Wakanda is 18.”

“We are not in Wakanda, your highness.” He sassed her and took another hearty swallow. That was when it hit. “Shit, forgot I can’t get drunk anymore. Life really likes to fuck me over.”

“Well, pass it over. That’s your problem not ours. And man, anything you need… I’m here for you. God knows how but I feel like life strapped me with you and you are my new annoying white ass brother.” Sam answered as Shuri tried in vain to get up from her bean bag… It had swallowed her. James got up and helped her up. She went to the living room and grabbed a bag. As she searched inside it, she grumbled.

“As if my brother wasn’t difficult enough. You and Ross… will be the death of me, Inguka.” She said and found what she was looking for. It was a small silver case, with silver pills inside. She offered him one. “Here, I made this for T’Challa. After he became the Black Panther he couldn’t get drunk either. But his breakup with Nakia the first time was pretty bad. Take one of these and let’s have our pity party. There is no Pity Party without a crying drunk.”

“Did T’Challa cry in his pity party?” He asked, genuinely curious. Who could imagine the honorable King of Wakanda, dignity incarnated, crying because of a breakup? 

“Like a baby.” Shuri answered and Bucky felt a little bit better. He took his pill and washed it with alcohol. 

“Give me six of those, will you? Last time I got drunk was on Asgardian Mead… ” Bruce asked. He let out a heavy sigh… “Loki was there. Him and Thor… They were so much fun when they were drunk together. There were wild stories of their childhood. Gosh they were both so petty. Never laughed so hard in my life. How the world turns, huh? Who would have thought? I actually miss the bastard.” 

“Didn’t he trash New York?” Bucky asked.

“Under the influence of the Mind Stone. Can’t blame him for that. I trashed Harlem once and I was clean. You remember what I did under the influence.” Bruce answered.

“What?” Shuri asked.

“Ultron.” 

“Man!” Sam was slightly horrified at the mention.

“Yeah. Loki wasn’t that bad. He did a lot of good after he stopped comparing himself and being compared to Thor. He had a wicked sense of humor, I’ll give you that. He was also sharp as knife. He died trying to save the Asgardians from Thanos.” Bruce told them, sounding wistful.

“Sometimes we live long enough to become heroes…” Sam said, and Bucky remembered his own life. He wished he could die on the side of the good guys. He sighed.

“Wow. Crying our dead, already? Now this is a Pity Party worth having. Should I start on my many regrets for not remembering training Natasha in the Red Room, or the ones where I never properly apologized to Stark for killing his parents?” Bucky decided to mention. He wanted them to know that he remembered even if she didn’t get to know that.

“I miss Nat.” Brunce said and there was a tear slipping down his face.

“I miss my Dad.” Shuri threw back.

Bucky hugged Shuri and kissed her head. 

“Should we trash-talk Steve?” Sam asked, trying to lift the mood.

“We could.” Bruce answered. Anything was better than remembering Nat.

“Not sure that’s fair.” Bucky argued, unsure.

“I don’t care about fair, it’s a Pity Party! Steve was an idiot to leave you.” Shuri answered vehemently. 

“I don’t know.” Bucky said. He wasn’t ready to do this yet. He still thought Steve was doing the best choice going after Carter. He was an ex-assassin, broken beyond repair. Always less. 

“I do. You are a good man. Anyone else in your shoes? After everything? Would be bonkers right now. But you are here, fighting with the Avengers!” Bruce explained.

“I was made for fighting. I’m good at it. It’s good to fight for the right side for a change.” Bucky commented.

“I understand that feeling. When I started with the Avergers I was so happy to channel all this for good.” Bruce said gesturing to all of himself.

“Now that you mention it… We are low on available Avengers lately. Wanna give it a try?” Sam asked, sounding too sober for their party.

“Are you serious?” Bucky asked.

“I’m kind of one the commanding officers of this mess lately and I think you’d be fucking great.” Sam said and Bruce nodded.

“Ohhhhh! Own it, Wilson!” Shouted Shuri.

“Yeah!!!!” Bruce joined her chorus and clapped.

And that’s how Bucky Barnes officially entered Avengers.


	11. Not healthy

There was a new uniform made. Shuri asked what color scheme he would like. 

No matter that Steve was gone. No matter that he left him. He wasn’t ready to let go. Probably never would. Steve was still responsible for him being who he was. He fell from that train for Steve, he remembered who he was for Steve. He decided to try to be healed for Steve. He met Shuri and T’Challa and Sam and Bruce, because of him. 

He kept it dark blue and in a masoquistic move he asked for some stars.

Shuri had some silver stars embroidered on his uniform. She even put a few silver stars in the black of his vibranium arm. They looked foolishly idealistic in his dark serious look. Like a dream of freedom carried by a bunch half-dead soldiers. He loved it. It reminded him of the Howlies. It honored Steve’s stars. 

No matter that Bucky was alone. No matter that Steve left him. He was still very much a product of that relationship and he wasn’t ready to let that go.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As time passed, he went on missions and was respected by his peers. 

He was Sam’s right-hand man. 

He was Shuri’s other Big Brother and he also did the honors when T’Challa would let him. Of course, T’Challa was a wise and tempered king. But he needed someone to remind him how to have fun sometimes. And Bucky still remembered how. He and Sam would take the king incognito to some bar, to shoot some pool and even flirt with some girls. T’Challa never took any of them home, he was hopelessly waiting for Nakia to make up her mind, and Bucky felt a weird sense of kinship with the other man. He just made sure to remind him how he ended up and to be certain that his girl loved him back. 

Bucky tried. Bucky went to gay clubs with Sam, and he met guys and he slept with some of them. Just like he did with girls when he was in love with Steve and couldn’t have him. He did like guys a whole lot more than he liked girls, but he wasn’t ready to let go. Sam would look worriedly at him every time he dumped a pretty boy. They even talked about it once.

“Bucky… James… You must try and open up. It’s been a year already. It’s time. It’s ok to move on. I think it’s past the time. He is there, living his apple pie life with the woman he loves, and you are here. Lonely and single. Like he died and you are some kind of widower! You are alive! And he is not dead!”

“He is to me. It’s easier to think he is just gone and not… purposely happy without me. And hey, I like being single.”

“Bucky… You know you can’t fool me. Not looking like that at the picture you have of him. I know it hurts. But you have to move on. It’s not heathy.”

“Sam… I… I just… I don’t know how to love anyone but Steve Rogers. And hey… since when am I the poster boy for mental and emotional health? Huh? I cope, I live another day. It’s a win.”

“If you don’t try, you’ll never find out how it is to really live.”

“Not sure it’s worth it.”

His friend looked at him with serious eyes, worried and pitiful. 

It hurt Bucky. He left the room before Sam could say anything else.


	12. Maybe with some luck...

A few days after that heart-warming conversation, they went on a mission.

They were under heavy fire. 

Sam was on the ground and as always when he couldn’t fly, he was vulnerable and Bucky saw a shooters aiming for him, before any of the others. He couldn’t get a clear shot, but he could shield Sam. He ran up to him, put himself in front of his body. He saw the heavy-duty artillery, he saw the bullets coming, he imagined the type of destruction they could do to a normal person. He had time to raise his metal arm and protect himself. He just… didn’t. It just felt… pointless.

He was hit 5 times with military grade heavy duty artillery. 

He ignored the wounds just how he was trained to do in his Hydra times and kept going. He aimed his own weapon, killed the bastards. He was bleeding profusely, and he knew his body well enough to know that his condition was critical. He felt blood on his throat, choking him, and kept going for a while still. Took down a few more enemies. 

That was when Sam realized he was hurt and shouted for back up and that was his last memory from the field. Going down and being held by the Falcon as the man called him an idiot.

He blacked out and he hoped he wouldn’t wake up. Maybe his rotten luck would finally help him.


	13. Chapter 13

Shuri was there so fast Sam thought maybe she had arrived through Dr. Strange’s Portals. 

It was a long night of working and delicately digging out each bullet and using of her powerful healing resources to cure any damage left. The fact that Barnes was a super-soldier didn’t hurt either. If anything, it was a bit of a hindrance because she had to re-open some of the wounds to properly heal it. But she was used to it. The more she worked with Bucky the more she thought that the serum was derivate from their heart-shaped herb that granted the Black Panther his powers.

After all the work was done and she let his body start to nit itself together, she cut the coma inducing medication so that Bucky could talk to them and so that she could scream his head off for not being careful enough. 

It was just… He wouldn’t wake up. 

Like his body was just fine, but he wasn’t in the mood for being awake. 

So his coma just went on. 

Worried, the Princess decided to watch carefully.


	14. Chapter 14

Bucky was out for 3 days and Shuri was already at the end of her rope… She was exhausted her brother was hopeless and Sam didn’t know what to say to anyone anymore. When something they weren’t expecting, happened. 

They were in the common room, feeling defeated, thinking of how to get their friend out the coma, morale was low. That’s when they were surprised by F.R.I.D.A.Y. 

“Captain America has entered the building.”

Sam, Shuri, Bruce, Rhodey and T’Challa looked at one another. They had thought the Captain lost to them all, back to the time he had left behind. They thought he had left Bucky behind. 

Steve Rogers entered the room with a huge smile in his face. He didn’t look that different from when he left. His hair was longer, his face more tired, but so relieved to see them!

“Thank God! It’s so good to see you all! I’m in the right time! You are all here!” He said. And his tone was happy, colored with laughter.

“Cap! It’s good to see you too! We thought you weren’t coming back.” Sam said, with tension in his voice. He was already dreading telling Steve what happened to Bucky. His mind was a mile a minute re-evaluating the situation. If he was there everything was different than what they thought it was.

“For a minute there so did I.” He said and smiled. “My suit was damaged in my travels. I was so worried that I wouldn’t come back. Where is Bucky by the way, we had…” the man smiled softly to himself and said proudly. “We had a date.”

And Sam stood there frozen on face of Steve’s happiness and the fact that he would have to be the one to ruin it. His panic must have shown in his face, Steve then looked at all the other worried faces in the room, one by one.

“I’m sorry, Captain. Sargent Barnes was hit in our last mission. He is unconscious in the med wing.” T’Challa took it upon himself to inform. That man had so much training in handling bad news and bad situations, Sam was impressed at his control and serenity. In a weird way his eyes spoke of his feelings in a way that the serenity never felt cold but full of empathy and mercy.

Steve’s smile broke and he was running to the med bay. Hurt plain in his face.

Steve stopped at the door to the room. His face in shock his eyes wild as he looked at Bucky in the bed. Pale, ashen. Looking like he was sleeping, half dead, but infinitely beautiful. It brought Steve the terrible moment of saying goodbye as Bucky went into the ice again. It had hurt so much. He was in such a pain then, watching his love in that bed.

“What did you do?” He asked in a whisper as he walked slowly into the room. 

Everyone came after him and watched as he sat himself by Bucky.

“He got shot protecting Sam.” Shuri was telling him. “What I don’t understand is… His body is healed. I used Wakandan technology. But… He won’t come back from his coma. It’s like he doesn’t want to wake up.” 

“Maybe he doesn’t.” Said Bruce with a look on his face, a look that seemed sad and accusing at the same time. Steve’s eyes asked the question he wouldn’t voice. Sam took upon himself to explain. “He was really depressed this last year. Yeah, Steve, it’s been a whole year. He… We all had thought you had gone back to your time… to be with… Carter. He was heartbroken.”

Steve felt powerless and fearful. A year. Bucky had been waiting for him for a year. Thinking he had been abandoned… Again. All his fight, all the vows he made in his mind of making up to Bucky, died in face of reality. He couldn’t do anything as long as Bucky was like this. He felt so guilty. He felt so… cheated by destiny. They were finally to be together. They were going to finally find rest and joy in one another. But it looked like it wasn’t meant to be. He wanted to rage. He didn’t, though.

He wasn’t giving up. He never gave up. As tears fell from his eyes, his heart thorn into shreds, tired to his very core, he took Bucky’s hand into his. 

“Don’t you dare! Are you listening to me? I hope you are! Don’t you dare sleep when I came back to you. When I faced my biggest fears to be here. Because I love you, jerk! I won’t lose you again!” He kissed Bucky’s unresponsive lips for the first time in his life and it tasted like ash and heartache. He had waited so long for this. “I did everything because you said you would wait for me. You said you loved me. And now that I’m here you are sleeping? Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you wake up. But, please… please, wake up!”

He saw the eyes he was looking at slowly open. A weak voice answered.

“You are late, punk.” The broken voice answered and he couldn’t help but cry in joy, and laugh at the same time. Bucky was there, Bucky was awake.

“’Till the end of… the line.” His love answered and Steve couldn’t remember being that happy ever in his life.

To be continued...


	15. Right, Wrong and Healthy

After that Bucky took a lot of liquid to get his voice back, ate soups and after that, he still held for observations by an overprotective Shuri for another 2 days. She still fretted about him. And for 2 days she didn’t let Steve be alone with Bucky. When there was no more excuses for her to hold him back, she kicked Steve out of the room saying that Bucky had to change into his own clothes and used that time for a talk…

“Are you ok? You have thought him gone for a year. Just because he is here now, it doesn’t mean you have to take him beck. You can take your time. You can say no. You can do whatever you feel like. A lot had changed in his absence.”

“True. I learned that I have more friends than I thought I had.” He reached to cup her face. “You are right. A lot has changed. But not the most important. I’m still in love with him. That is a truth I’ve lived with since I was a kid. A truth I was ready to die with.”

“So you really had… given up?” She asked and it pained her to give it voice. All of them were working very hard not to mention the truth that Bucky hadn’t protected himself for a very real reason. A death wish. 

“I hadn’t had the easiest of lives, Shuri. And the one thing that kept going wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t really see a point.” He spoke with a sincerity that hurt her.

“Do you see it now?”

Bucky smiled a really soft and intimate smile. As if he had the secret of the universe. 

“Yeah, I do. You don’t have to worry anymore, kiddo.” He said pulling her in to hug her close, trying to sooth the pain he had caused. 

“I’ll always worry.” She told him, resolutely. “You are my second dumb brother.” She laughed a watery laugh.

He just hugged her closer still and she hugged him back just as fiercely.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Sam was happy to have Steve back. He was happy that in the end everything was ‘fine’. That Bucky woke up and that they were getting their fairy-tale happy ending. Or they should be, in theory. He just couldn’t believe it was all fine. It shouldn’t be. Human being didn’t work like that. This whole thing between them… It was too much, too intense, too… unhealthy.

“You know this thing between you two… Is totally screwed up and like… toxic as hell.” Sam had to tell Steve. He had to warn him. This thing was already a disaster as it was. Seventy years of heartache. An epic love story that had all to do with literature and nothing to do with reality. Following each other to War, magical potions to make a hero, saving a prince in a tower, the prince falling to his death in a frozen ravine, his beloved diving to his own death while saving the kingdom. Waking up from a sleeping spell years later. Only to find his love under another spell from an evil Hydra. Almost sacrificing himself to break said spell. Standing up to the whole kingdom for his prince who was wrongly accused. Losing him to a mighty Warlord and his magic Gauntlet. Going on a Quest for magic jewels. Bringing the Prince back once again. Together fighting off the purple Warlord. Going on one last mission to give back the jewels. Getting lost. Coming back to find his love in a death spell. Raising the prince with a kiss. What else could happen? How was that their life. How much pain it would bring them yet.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked as if he knew nothing about it.

“Steve… don’t play dumb. You are anything but. I’m talking about you diving headfirst into the arctic and him getting shot on purpose. That’s too much of a Romeo and Juliet twist for me. It is not OK. It is not healthy. And I’m very worried about you two.”

“Sam… it’s ok.” Steve smiled softly. 

“It’s not. You are totally co-dependent. You a little bit less than Bucky, but… It’s bad, man.” Sam tried to push his point through, but it seemed that Steve was so happy about finally having Bucky that nothing else mattered much. It drove Sam crazy.

“I know. But after everything we’ve been through… let us have this. Please.” Steve asked him, almost begged him and Sam’s heart hurt a bit. 

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t be together. Hell, I don’t think he should take you back. But I know him, and he is just as happy about this as you are. Which again, crazy. I’m saying… That you have to work on it. Like everything else. Like your PTSD, and everything. Promise me.” Sam tried. They had to at least see a therapist about it.

“I’ll try.”

“You are Captain Mother-Fucking America. Get it done.”

“Yes, sir.” Steve laughed.


	16. Where do we go from here?

After getting dressed, Bucky was finally released from the Med Bay. 

As soon as he was out of the door, he noticed Steve leaning on the wall waiting for him. As he saw him approach, he started walking beside him. They both weren’t sure where they were going as long as it was far from the medical area.

“You are ok then?” Steve asked. It was implied but he needed a conversation starter.

“I am. You?” Bucky asked back because… It’s been a year. He had no idea what happened to Steve during this time. He had a rough year. He could only imagine what it was like for Steve… Being away in many different times.

The Captain nodded at his friend. “I have some things to tell you but it can wait.”

“So…” Bucky initiated. He was nervous because he didn’t know how to deal with it all, but he wasn’t ready to wait another minute for nothing. He wanted to just put everything out in the open. The insecurities had done a number in him and it wasn’t his style.

“So.” Steve stopped and gathered his wits. “If it wasn’t clear before, I’m in love with you too. I… Never imagined you could… Feel the same way about me and I was ready to… to make my peace that you would marry some lucky girl and that I would be a happy uncle to your mountain of kids. I also was ready to try something with Peggy when I met her. Because… I never thought we could… But… You came to me and you told me that you loved me. It was everything I ever wanted. I’m sorry I’m late again. I’m sorry I didn’t look for you when you fell. I’m sorry if I hurt you so much so many times over.” His tone was low and loaded with emotion. Like he had thought about all this a million times before speaking.

“Steve… You are here now. Let bygones be bygones. I want to… try. I want to be with you and… be open about it. I love you. I’m so, so happy you are here.” Bucky was beside himself with joy about all this. But he wasn’t one to start celebrating before things were completely solved. Life had taught him to be a pragmatist. 

“Me too.” Steve smiled at him and he melted a bit inside, he smiled back.

“Should I… take you on a date? Would you come?” Bucky asked, slightly awkward as to how to proceed. He wasn’t sure he should just start kissing Steve, out of the blue. Not that he didn’t want to, but… Maybe it was something they had to build into. 

“Of course, I would. I’m just not sure what we should do in a date if we already know each other so well. I only went on dates to meet people.” Steve said and smiled, suddenly shy. He hadn’t gone on a date since the War.

“Steve… You should know by now. I may not be the same I was before Hydra, but let me tell you… If there is one thing I still know… Is to show my date a good time.” Bucky said, challenging.

“I’ll hold you to that.” 

“Punk.”

“Jerk.”


	17. The Date - Part 1

Bucky picks Steve up in his room at seven, sharp.

His hair is held in a man-bun like some hipster. Steve is not sure what to think about it. It’s different to what he is used to in Bucky but it’s also so very sexy. But then again, to Steve, anything is sexy on Bucky Barnes, God help him. He took the time to shave and dressed in a burgundy button down with rolled up sleeves and black slacks. Bucky had wanted to go for a suit, but Shuri assured him that it would be overkill. They were to live in 2022 and thus they should get on with times. 

Steve combed his hair back. He had gotten a haircut as soon as he arrived. He wanted to look his best. He also was clean shaven but that was his natural state. He struggled with an outfit. Sam, being the best wingman in history, helped put together dark gray pintripe pants and a white shirt, Sam insisted him wear an open matching gray vest. He felt a bit silly, but in the end he felt good in it. The gray and the vest reminded him of Tony and if there ever was a man who knew how to dress to impress that someone was Tony Stark. He also had to be warned off wearing a tie or a jacket, because he had also wanted to go for it. In their time, dates called for a suit. 

Steve followed Bucky outside where there was a driver waiting in a town car that took them all the way to New York City from the Compound. They barely talked but Bucky seemed nervous and his knee kept jerking up and down as a reaction. Steve reached out a hand and held Bucky’s. It was a reaction to his friend’s nerves but also… something intimate. They were very touchy people. They hugged a lot and everything, but Bucky’s hand on his, in their first date was… Boy, that was something he wouldn’t forget, and he felt his fingers lace with his Best Guy’s, his thumb caressing his hand. And Steve left out a happy sign. It was OK to do this. It was allowed. He didn’t have to worry about the driver outing them. It wasn’t a secret. They could be ‘Out and Proud.’ Since he woke up he had heard about the Pride parade, specially because in the first year he had lived in the Tower, there had been a lot of traffic that was impacted by the parade and what a beautiful surprise it was to find out that he wasn’t that much of weirdo after all. For falling in love with his male best friend. He also had watched a few episodes of Queer Eye with Natasha when she thought he needed a bit of education on fashion. It didn’t work. But he can’t blame her for trying.

They rode to Brooklin and Steve had to smile. 

Brooklin was in their veins, it felt right to be there. The place where it all started. It felt like the right place to start a new page on their adventure.

They parked in front of a restaurant with outside tables in a paved yard. The sign said L & B. It looked like an old place and Steve remembered this joint was already a restaurant when they had lived there. It had been new. A family owned restaurant, it had been pretty small when it started. It never had been too fancy, but as soon as they were through the door Steve was assaulted by the smell of Italian Pizza and taken back memory lane when they used to walk by the new place and dream of getting enough money someday to eat there. Maybe on someone’s birthday to celebrate. 

L & B still smelled delicious, Italian and pretty much as magical as he remembered when it opened, he smiled at Bucky after the hostess had already seated them.

“I can’t believe this place is still here.” He smiled at his… Was Bucky his boyfriend? He didn’t know how things worked yet. 

“The food still smells just like it did when we lived in this neighborhood. Do you remember?”

“Of course. How crazy is it that we are here?”

“I thought you would like it.” Bucky said with a shy smile.

“I love it.” He said and smiled back at the Sargent. 

The food was delicious. The restaurant was perfect. The atmosphere of old and new, and the hostess had been kind enough to recognize them, smile knowingly at their first date faces and found them a secluded and peaceful table away from prying eyes. 

“For a moment there I thought I was too late, you know? You looked like you were already gone in that bed.” Steve said as he reached again for Bucky’s hand. He had just left it escape from his in the middle of a pleasant conversation they were having. And Steve realized just too late what he had just said. Way to go you idiot! He told himself.

“Fuck Steve, way to ruin the mood.” Bucky told him sarcastically and he was completely right. 

“Sorry. It just... really scared me, Buck. I lost you too many times for it not to scare me.” Steve started to babble as a reflex.

“I’m the one who is sorry.” Bucky answered and he looked ashamed of himself. “I should have learned to trust you at this point… After all the times you came through. Steve… You saved me.”

“Did I? I still remember letting you fall. And seeing you dusted.” Steve had tears in his eyes… He knew this should be about their love but he couldn’t get to that with all this guilt.

Bucky let out a tired little smile. “We’ve never really talked about this, right?” He let his head fall to the side and made sure to find Steve’s eyes that were on the table not to meet his. “Doesn’t matter anymore. It brought me to you now. It brought us to a time when we can finally be here. Together. Holding hands. I say we treat it as a gift. Something good has to come from all of it and I won’t let all that keep me down. I chose to stop carrying all that around.” Bucky took Steve’s hand in his and kissed his knuckles boldly. Like daring anyone to say anything. When no one did, he smiled. “I think I already told you, but I love you. And having you makes it all worth it.”

Steve blushed a deep red to the roots of his hair and felt a shiver. He had known when they were young that Bucky Barnes was irresistible, seduction incarnated. But he never thought it was as easy as telling the truth in such a bold manner. That man was too much. And yes, he loved him for it. He smiled, bashful, at his date.

“I love you too.” He said though he wanted so much to just kiss him deeply and never stop. 

They ate pizza instead, and talked some more, of silly things only, and Steve promised himself not to bring up anymore sorrow, he was such and idiot sometimes. Maybe that’s why the only 2 people to ever put up with his bullshit had been Bucky and Peggy. There was ice cream after. Pistachio, lime and chocolate. Which was delicious and fun, and made Steve hot because Bucky licked his spoon as if it was something else. He tried not to stare.

They walked for a little bit and Bucky took him to a Club. 

Babylon, it said in the sign overhead and didn't it sound a bit too decadent. It just fit his Bucky. 

To be continued...


	18. Date - Part 2

There were a lot of men in front of the club. All types, all colors, all very well dressed. Bucky walked up to the bouncer disregarding the long line of awaiting people and the man just smiled.

“Finally brought someone with you, Jaime?” The big burly man with mustache that achieved the rare feat of being taller and broader than them both, asked with a sly smile.

“You bet, Big Ed. Just my best guy! Meet Steve.” Bucky answered with a smile that was blindingly proud.

“Hey!” Big Ed greeted. “Hi!” Steve answered. 

“You take care of that boy! He is a killer!” The bouncer joked and Steve paled, but Bucky just laughed and pulled him inside holding his hand. 

It was dark. The music was very loud. And there were colorful lights blinking and illuminating the whole thing. He can’t say he had been to a place like this since he woke from the ice. Trust Bucky to find these joints, he thought to himself. His best friend was a man of the night, a bohemian, if anything.

“He doesn’t mean anything.” Bucky said and continued to guide him inside, the crowd parting in front of them. They all looked at them with interest and some of them were kissing against the walls. All men. There were some scantily clad young men on platforms, dancing, and there was this big and crowded dance floor where people grind against each other in something he refused to call dancing.

Bucky continued to guide him over to the bar. 

“Jamie, my man!” Said a good looking guy manning the bar. His hair black, slicked back and his skin was the color of latte. 

“Hey there, Tito. This is Steve. Steve is my…”

“I get it, Jaime, Steve is yours.” Tito laughed lewdly and winked. “And blessed be, you guys look like you just stepped out of the cover of GQ magazine. A shame really… Or are you into threesomes?” Steve blushed and Bucky burst into laughter.

“Thanks, but no, thanks. You know I’m old fashioned.” Bucky answered.

“A real gentleman.” Tito answered with a knowing smile.

Tito served them drinks and left them to serve some other patrons, the place was packed, and Steve felt a bit uncomfortable with the sheer amount of people making out unashamedly around them. Some bordered on public indecency. 

“You look kinda scared. Are you ok?” The former Winter Soldier asked, and he was serious and soft about it. There was no mocking, his heart warmed inside.

“Yeah… I just… Didn’t expect this.” Steve confessed, timid. 

“Stevie… When you were… away, I tried very hard to… go on without you. I went out to find my place in the new world and see what these youngsters saw as fun. And I found the gay community. I found this place. I made some friends. Kissed some boys.” He smiled in a sly way. “Of course, they didn’t even hold a candle to my memory of you. But… I was trying to find a way to keep going. Because I thought you were… Somewhere in someone else’s arms trying to be happy. Sam helped. Sam and Shuri and Bruce… they are the main reason it took me so long to give up. Sam was the one who brought me here the first time, not his usual haunt, but Big Ed is a vet and I needed to learn to be a gay man in 2024. I like it here. I feel safe. So I thought… to share this with you.”

Steve held his hand. “I’m happy to be here. We… have to try this communication thing better. I… I’m not used to this… They are all very… open about who they are. I keep expecting the police to come barging in…” He observed a couple of boys kissing as if there was no tomorrow, it felt like watching porn but in a more intrusive way. Bucky followed his line of sight.

“I know, right?” He said, he understood Steve’s feelings he was just the same the first time he visited the club. “It took some time for me to get used to it too. But I can’t deny it’s hot.” He said leering a bit at the couple. Steve felt like Bucky had a lot of time to get used to the place and the new status. He felt a little under prepared, but he wanted to share his life with the man he loved, so he would discover this brave new world.

“Yeah… It is.” Steve answered, his breath catching at the sight before him with arousal and he blushed again. Bucky smiled and kissed his cheek, what made the blush deepen and asked him to wait for a bit. Steve shivered, that man was going to be the death of him. Tito came back to where he was waiting at the bar and smiled. 

“I know that look!” He told the soldier as he served him another drink. “You look like a goner!” He laughed at Steve who smiled back. It felt a bit like meeting his sweetheart’s friends… Which was weird because he thought he knew all of Bucky’s friends. A lot had changed in a year. “But I have to warn you.” The bartender continued. “He is not the kind to get attached.”

“Really?” Steve said, humoring the man. He and Bucky… he was sure of where they stood. What they meant to each other. But… He had known Bucky for many years and in the last years after the Winter Soldier debacle he had learned that James Bucky Barnes was damn adaptable and as such he had many facets to himself. And they all were parts of him. This one… Jamie from the Babylon Club sounded pretty interesting and Steve wanted to know as much as he could about him. So he decided to let Tito talk. Should be fun.

“Oh, yes.” Tito answered him. “He is sex on a stick. I know, I’ve tapped that, but… He has some trauma with his crush on his childhood best friend or something. Never dated anyone since. Where do you know him from, anyway?”

Steve couldn’t resist. 

“We go way back. I know him since we were kids.” He answered simply. Tito was quick in the uptake.

“Shut up! You are the best friend!!!! This sounds like some gay fairy tale!!!” He laughed! Tito was loud but endearing in his own way.

“Guilt as charged.” Steve smiled.

“You’ll love it then.” Tito said pointing ahead of him to the dancefloor.

“Love what?”

That’s when the crowd there parted as if it was the Red Sea.

“Go check it out!” Tito encouraged and Steve made it there to see Bucky, in the middle of the empty space. The Drag Queen that was working as Mistress of Ceremonies, a beautiful exotic creature in the highest heels Steve had ever seen, was wearing perfect make up and the most incredibly artsy dress. He was wondering how she even moved, when she came to the center of the empty space and looked at the audience, throwing a secret look at him at the edge of the dance floor. She laughed at the mic, full of charisma and a shock of red for a wig, and presented like she was telling a secret “Darlings, I’m your gal Anny with a Y, and this is our boy Jamie, all grown up, and how big is he , huh?” She winked at the salacious remark. “And he has a special treat for us tonight. Come on, baby, show these bitches how it’s done!”

That’s when a song full of beat started to play and Bucky in his slacks and his burgundy button down started dancing a kind of dance Steve had seen only on Shuri’s videos in her lab. The song lyrics said something about nothing having meaning if he couldn’t have his lover and Steve was enticed. With the HYDRA training and the serum, Bucky always moved with the grace of dancer. Quiet as a cat, his powerful jumps, landings and even his steps were totally soundless. Natasha was like that too, he had learned that Bucky was part of the Red Room for a time and that he had trained Natasha when she was younger. It was beautiful to see Bucky using that grace and power to something so far from killing. It touched Steve in his very soul. From artist to artist. He knew Bucky was a damn good dancer before the War, but this was so much more than they were used to and it was fluid and poetic and energetic. And Steve felt like he was falling in love all over again. 

“I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?

I'm in Toronto and I got this view  
But I might as well be in a hotel room, yeah  
It doesn't matter 'cause I'm so consumed  
Spending all my nights reading texts from you

Oh, I'm good at keeping my distance  
I know that you're the feeling I'm missing  
You know that I hate to admit it  
But everything means nothing if I can't have you

I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?  
I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?

I'm so sorry that my timing's off  
But I can't move on if we're still gonna talk  
Is it wrong for me to not want half?  
I want all of you, all the strings attached

Oh, I'm good at keeping my distance  
I know that you're the feeling I'm missing  
You know that I hate to admit it  
But everything means nothing if I can't have you

I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?  
I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?

I'm trying to move on, forget you, but I hold on  
Everything means nothing, everything means nothing, babe  
I'm trying to move on, forget you, but I hold on  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you, no

I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you? (Yeah)  
I can't write one song that's not about you  
Can't drink without thinking about you  
Is it too late to tell you that  
Everything means nothing if I can't have you?”

Was how the song ended and Bucky came to find him.

“That was SO incredible, Buck!” Steve was saying, he was so excited to tell his love what he was feeling, how happy he was he had found this wonderful way to express himself, when he found a hand extended in front of him in askance. He felt himself tremble inside. 

“You know I can’t do that. I don’t know how to dance. Never knew.” He argued, feeling very self-conscious, everyone was looking at them, and for some reason he felt small again. Like when those dames asked him to dance and he always made a fool of himself… even his accent thickened as he felt mortification. But the song changed from the modern beat to something he knew well. He was shocked into a smile. Bucky used to spend hours in their apartment trying to teach him how to dance… And that was one of the songs he most loved… And yeah, he used to think about Bucky when he heard it play… He felt his heart warm over at the tune. When Ella Fitzgerald started singing, he took Bucky’s hand and let him pull him close in the safety of his arms. He barely listened to Anny with a Y as she said in the mic “And that, folks, is how you woo someone!” and the DJ increased the volume of the song. Bucky’s smell flooded his senses and he could just close his eyes and feel like they were in a magical dancefloor on the clouds with no one but themselves, or even better, let him be carried back in time when they would slowdance in their apartment, when it was too cold to go outside.

“The way you wear your hat  
The way you sip your tea  
The memory of all that  
No, no, they can't take that away from me

The way your smile just beams  
The way you sing off key  
The way you haunt my dreams  
No, no, they can't take that away from me

We may never never meet again, on the bumpy road to love  
But I'll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife  
The way we danced till three  
The way you've changed my life  
No, no they can't take that away from me  
No they can't take that away from me

We may never, never, never meet again, on the bumpy road to love  
Still I'll always, always keep that memory of

The way you hold your knife  
The way we danced till three  
The way you've changed my life  
No, no, they can't take that away from me  
No they can't take that away  
They won't take that away  
Cause they can't take that away  
From me”

Steve opened his eyes and Bucky was looking intensely into his eyes. 

“They won’t take that away from me again.” He said and Steve felt himself choke at the reminder of all they had missed, all the time HYDRA robbed them of. His eyes filled with tears but he reigned it in. He was good at swallowing up his emotions. It was to no avail. Bucky knew him too well.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please. Now I had to just ruin our romantic dance. How stupid can I be? Shhh…” Bucky was saying. Because even though Steve hadn’t shed one tear, he had seen his eyes full with them. His breath caught in a sob he tried to hold in and failed. He cried. He cried because he loved it… to be held like that. He normally was the guy taking care of people. It was so good to be taken care of for a change. He raised his head and kissed Bucky for that. That man… was his guy. His love. His weakness. His strength. His Bucky. And they couldn't take that away from him.

In that kiss he drunk him in like a man dying of thirst. There, in the middle of that very public dancefloor, being catcalled and applauded by those youngsters. He felt his heart beat fast in the certainty that he loved James Bucky Barnes. And it was Forever.

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Babylon is a reference to Queer as Folk. I know Babylon is not in New York, but I felt like it.
> 
> Song 1 is by Shawn Mendes  
> Song 2 is from George Gershwin in the amazing voice of Ella Fitzgerald.


End file.
